Could I Be Homeless?

Dear Cousin Gobo,

I was driving around today, when I saw a homeless man walking, wearing an out-dated political t-shirt, and dragging a roll-along luggage bag. (This photo is of another homeless man who carries a giant rabbit everywhere.) So I started to wonder if I could even survive if for some reason I became homeless myself. Living in this large city, there are alot of homeless people. How did they all become that way? There is probably not enough room for another. So I came up with alist of pros and cons of myself becoming homeless.

Why I couldn't survive homeless:

I can't grow facial hair very well - Other than the occasional peach-fuss mustache and chin hair, I'm fairly hairless. I think being hairy might be a homeless requirement, probably has something to do about keeping warm at night.

I don't like wearing socks more than one day - wearing socks multiple days in a row makes me feel gross. There have been times were I'm done it, for example, when camping in the woods, or in college when I was late for class, but usually it's once and then in the laundry they go.

I hate dirt - I don't know what happened to me. When I was a kid, I was always coming home filthy. Most kids do, but somewhere on the path of becoming a grownup, I started hating getting dirty. And sometimes with my job I do get grease or dirt on my clothes and hands. It drives me insane. I can't wait to get everything cleaned.

I really dislike change - It might be to because I lived most my life in sales tax free states that makes me hate a pocket full of coins. You go to buy something at the store for $2 and at the checkout the total is $2.14. Now I got all this change in my pocket with nothing to do with it. Since moving to LV my change accumulation has increased by 5 times. And now the Federal mint wants to start (once again) circulating $1 coins. No Thanks! I just couldn't handle having all those coins while I begged for money.

I'm too thin as it is - Lately I've being hitting the gym because I want to get bigger. I don't want to be a huge meathead, I just want to gain alittle weight and tone the muscles. I've got a slender runner's-like body type, which makes sense because I'm a runner. If I was not eating everyday, I couldn't imagine how thin I would become.

I don't like soup - I hate eating the same thing everyday, but you don't get a choice about what you are going to order at a soup kitchen. Hmmmm......I think I'll try the "soup du jour" today, that sounds good. I do like Pho. If there was free Pho soup kitchen, that would be money!

Why I could survive being homeless:

I like to dress in layers - I lived most of my life in climates which required for dressing in layers. The days start out cold, then the afternoon will warm up to lead into the night when the coldness returns. I'm comfortable in layers, most of my wardrobe is designed around it. I got this part down.

I get to act crazy - No one ever questions why a homeless person is acting insane. Mostly believed to be their nature, people simply look away, or move to the other side of the street to avoid contact. It would be nice to bother strangers with pointless off-the-rocker rants. I get it all the time while I'm out collecting news. It might be fun from their perspective.

I could finally become a musician - I always wanted to be a musician, but I'm always self-conscious about being good enough to play in front of people. It doesn't matter how shitty you are once your homeless. I could play my guitar anywhere, playing anything I wanted, and I would probably get money for doing it. Plus I wouldn't have to worry about making enough money to make it a career, because I'm homeless.

Wouldn't have to worry about finding a condom - Having un-protected sex and getting a girl pregnant would be the less of my problems. That might even be considered as a good day. Any woman who is going to have sex with a homeless man, won't want to get married to him if she's impregnated. STD's could become a problem, but my life expectancy isn't going to be too long, anyways.

No need to payoff all those loans - Goodbye bills! No more student loan. No more car payment or insurrance. Don't have to file for taxes! Sure, my credit report will take a big drive into the gutter, but who cares. Like I'm going to be buying a house!

Conclusion

I couldn't think of any more reasons why I could become homeless. So I guess that proves that I probably wouldn't survive as a vagrant. I better stick with working for a living. Damn! I got to finish my income taxes.

This was fun! Hope you enjoyed reading it. I think I'll occasionally do this again. You know make like a series of these "Could I Be ________". Check back in the future for more exciting adventures of Travelin' Miles!!