Strange Sighting

Dear Cousin Gobo,

I've been living in this desert oasis for a year, and I've seen some amazing things. I also seen some very strange things...or should I say people. Take this guy for example...Meet Mr. TVG



This man has many names but the one that describes him the most is T.V.G. or as I was told Typical Vegas Guy. There is a sighting of him almost everyday. He can be seen walking laps in the parking lots near my news station. That's right plural....parking lots. He walks around in the sun for hours, doing laps in the either the Catholic Church parking lot or the the Blair House parking lot. We are unsure where he comes from. Many think that he lives at the Blair House, a shitty low price apartment complex next door to the station, because we never see him in a car. I am not completely sure of that.

Also I can't figure out his pattern. He's not out seven days a week, but it has to be close to 5 or 6 days. I sometimes see him is on a weekend, but not every weekend. He also isn't seen at the same time of day. You may see him first thing in the morning, or maybe around lunch. It's rare but you can even have a sighting of him close to sunset. Here is the stumper...You can never tell which parking lot were he will be walking. I tried for months to track his process by making mental notes, like Monday, noon, church parking lot. But the next few Mondays he wouldn't be there. I think he operates on a version of the Mayan calender.



You may ask what makes this man a T.V.G.? Well that is another puzzle. I've been told if you live here long enough you will become just like this man. Just look at him. He is muscular, but it is that flappy creepy old man muscle tone. He has a great tan, but also probably has extreme case of skin cancer. And his hair is bright white. If living here causes this then how long does one have to live in the desert sun? 20 years? 50 years? 100?? This is not a human! He is like a comic book villian from outerspace.

If it is true that this is what becomes of all Vegas people who live here too long, then I have some theories. I believe the sun gives him his power. Like Superman. Only he needs to walk around in the sun all day because he is dying. Yes dying, but the sun slows the process, because he is a right old age of 342 years. He wears only short shorts because the more surface area of skin exposed, the more UV rays absorbed. Plus lying in the sun isn't enough. You have to move, hence the walking laps. The energy from the sun must also need to be circulated throughout the body by the blood stream.

This is alot to look forward to. I must learn his ways. If I want to survive for 300 years

T.C.B., Baby