Why Do I Hate Myself

Dear Cousin Gobo,

I decided that this year I was going to improve myself. I want to gain some muscle mass and become a hardcore runner again. So I joined a gym, started going twice a week. Then everyday I attempt to pull my lazy ass out of bed to go running. For a short time, I was going strong. I actually felt better. The muscle is beginning to form and I'm able to run further and harder.

Then......



If you have noticed the content of the few previous posts, you see that I've been going out on the town partying. Not to mention that I also got sick a few days back. Today I felt like I could start back up with the training. I want to run a marathon later this year. My body hates me!

It was harder to restart this time than when I first began. My body doesn't want to run it wants to party. But I can't do both! I wanted to improve myself and I'm going to do it!

Well, I better go get showered and changed. I got to meet some friends for Happy Hour!

Saw Her First

Dear Cousin Gobo,

Are you familar with the term "cock block"?
Well if you are not, the term pertains to when you are out on the town, talking to some interesting girls, and someone (male or female) will step in and literally block you from talking to that person anymore. When this happens with women doing the blocking it is normally a defensive move. They are just making sure that their friends are save from any creeps or jerks. When the blocking comes from a male, it is because he thinks he is better than you. This is dangerous because physical violence could develope. That is where your boys...pals...posse come into play. Your friends are there to watch your back, and to make sure nothing gets in your way of talking to that hot girl.

Well, my boys are a little different. It is part of the "guy code", when one of the boys is "working it" with a female, you stand by as back up. You assist him whenever needed, but you don't interfer with the pick up. And you never attempt to "cock block".

Take for example this hot girl right here.



I was talking to her the whole night. She was our waitress at the club we were partying, but she kept coming back to just sit with me and join in with all the fun. At one point I was really working the magic to say. Sitting right next to her, asking her things about herself, when......my friend I'm there partying with tries to intercept. He leans across me, interupts the conversation, and starts promoting himself to this girl. He totally just "cock blocked" me. And this isn't the first time I seen him do this. I've seen him wedge himself between two people that are talking, pull girls away from other guys, and try to completely draw all attention to himself.

Then it was on! As if the dinner bell rang to the buffet, the guys attacked her like a pack of hyenas. The girl who was hanging out with only me is now become the center of the party. Here are a few pictures to better describe what I mean.



For reasons unknown this usually happens to any girl that enters the pack. It also makes no sense, because these guys I hang out with are not looking for the same type of girl that I am. They are looking for "Ms. Right". I'm looking for Ms. Right Now.

Needless to say, I stayed persistent and I scored her phone number at the end of the night.

Could I Be Homeless?

Dear Cousin Gobo,

I was driving around today, when I saw a homeless man walking, wearing an out-dated political t-shirt, and dragging a roll-along luggage bag. (This photo is of another homeless man who carries a giant rabbit everywhere.) So I started to wonder if I could even survive if for some reason I became homeless myself. Living in this large city, there are alot of homeless people. How did they all become that way? There is probably not enough room for another. So I came up with alist of pros and cons of myself becoming homeless.

Why I couldn't survive homeless:

I can't grow facial hair very well - Other than the occasional peach-fuss mustache and chin hair, I'm fairly hairless. I think being hairy might be a homeless requirement, probably has something to do about keeping warm at night.

I don't like wearing socks more than one day - wearing socks multiple days in a row makes me feel gross. There have been times were I'm done it, for example, when camping in the woods, or in college when I was late for class, but usually it's once and then in the laundry they go.

I hate dirt - I don't know what happened to me. When I was a kid, I was always coming home filthy. Most kids do, but somewhere on the path of becoming a grownup, I started hating getting dirty. And sometimes with my job I do get grease or dirt on my clothes and hands. It drives me insane. I can't wait to get everything cleaned.

I really dislike change - It might be to because I lived most my life in sales tax free states that makes me hate a pocket full of coins. You go to buy something at the store for $2 and at the checkout the total is $2.14. Now I got all this change in my pocket with nothing to do with it. Since moving to LV my change accumulation has increased by 5 times. And now the Federal mint wants to start (once again) circulating $1 coins. No Thanks! I just couldn't handle having all those coins while I begged for money.

I'm too thin as it is - Lately I've being hitting the gym because I want to get bigger. I don't want to be a huge meathead, I just want to gain alittle weight and tone the muscles. I've got a slender runner's-like body type, which makes sense because I'm a runner. If I was not eating everyday, I couldn't imagine how thin I would become.

I don't like soup - I hate eating the same thing everyday, but you don't get a choice about what you are going to order at a soup kitchen. Hmmmm......I think I'll try the "soup du jour" today, that sounds good. I do like Pho. If there was free Pho soup kitchen, that would be money!

Why I could survive being homeless:

I like to dress in layers - I lived most of my life in climates which required for dressing in layers. The days start out cold, then the afternoon will warm up to lead into the night when the coldness returns. I'm comfortable in layers, most of my wardrobe is designed around it. I got this part down.

I get to act crazy - No one ever questions why a homeless person is acting insane. Mostly believed to be their nature, people simply look away, or move to the other side of the street to avoid contact. It would be nice to bother strangers with pointless off-the-rocker rants. I get it all the time while I'm out collecting news. It might be fun from their perspective.

I could finally become a musician - I always wanted to be a musician, but I'm always self-conscious about being good enough to play in front of people. It doesn't matter how shitty you are once your homeless. I could play my guitar anywhere, playing anything I wanted, and I would probably get money for doing it. Plus I wouldn't have to worry about making enough money to make it a career, because I'm homeless.

Wouldn't have to worry about finding a condom - Having un-protected sex and getting a girl pregnant would be the less of my problems. That might even be considered as a good day. Any woman who is going to have sex with a homeless man, won't want to get married to him if she's impregnated. STD's could become a problem, but my life expectancy isn't going to be too long, anyways.

No need to payoff all those loans - Goodbye bills! No more student loan. No more car payment or insurrance. Don't have to file for taxes! Sure, my credit report will take a big drive into the gutter, but who cares. Like I'm going to be buying a house!

Conclusion

I couldn't think of any more reasons why I could become homeless. So I guess that proves that I probably wouldn't survive as a vagrant. I better stick with working for a living. Damn! I got to finish my income taxes.

This was fun! Hope you enjoyed reading it. I think I'll occasionally do this again. You know make like a series of these "Could I Be ________". Check back in the future for more exciting adventures of Travelin' Miles!!

Who Started This Madness?

Dear Cousin Gobo,

Valentine's Day is pointless. All day yesterday I saw every single female in my newsroom recieve surprises of some combination of flowers, balloons, and candy. How come?! Because it's Valentine's Day.

As the day went on, the bigger those surprises got. And as if to out trump eachother the females will put their gifts on display for all the see.

What makes this a holiday? If you are married, dating, or even just friends with benefits, you must get her some type of V-day present. Why? I heard responses before like, "To let me know he's thinking about me", "It shows you who really cares about you", "He just wanted to make me feel special and have a good day"

All these answers are just pre-programed replys handed down throughout the years by the creators of this senseless holiday. Probably women.

Every man who is in some type of relationship knows that this day is coming. He also knows that he HAS to get her something. There is no other option. It is not a surprise. It is expected! If a man doesn't come through for his female counterpart, then does that mean he is not thinking about her, or doesn't really care, or maybe he doesn't want to her to feel special.

You see when a surprise is expected to arrive then it isn't a surprise. Do you think the Trojans would have accepted giant wooden horse, if they expected it to be filled with Greek warriors?

What would be a better surprise is not to give her anything, and then later down the road, let's say in June, send the gift on any random day. But no man would ever dare do this. I know in my past relationships I wouldn't be brave enough. To forget to send a required Valentine's Day gift is the worst thing. There is no forgiving or making it up. There is no make up sex! No matter how hard you try, she will always remember that one year you screwed up. You could be backing out of your driveway and accidently runover, killing both her favorite poodle and her aging father. She will forgive sooner for that than if you forgot to send flowers to her work.

So why do all men comply with this required surprise? Because it makes it easier. Do you ever see a man recieve flowers at work for V-day? Probably not. He may get a small gift from his mate but most likely the man's gift comes much later. I could be in the form of anything. A night of silence from a nagging wife. His favorite dinner cooked for him. Poker night and drinking with the buddies. Begging-less sex.

You can't tell me that a single man out there will say to himself, "you know I want her to know I was just thinking about her today." It is more like, "Oh shit! What did I get her last year? Cus it has to better than that this year! Maybe if I get her something really good, she'll let me do that one thing I like. Maybe she'll let me do it twice! I better get something expensive! If I get her two things, that's double the payback! Now how am I going to get this delivered on time?"

Like rapid fire the mind of the man thinks the consequences that are wrapped around Valentine's Day

Trafficking

Dear Cousin Gobo,

Tonight I had to shoot video for a story about human trafficking. So naturally I went to the Strip and shot all the tourist on walk-about.

It's a good thing that my camera kicks ass and has a cool feature with its shutter speed. It allows me to slow the shutter speed to record fractions of frames per second, which basically means more light enters the lens and all movement is blurred. Kinda like this picture you see here. Most video cameras don't have this function, it's awesome!

While I was there I noticed the increase of tourist. As the East coast is gettting hit by tons of awful weather, the weather here is only getting better. Sunshine, warm evenings and drinking at outdoor patios are in the near future.

Snow in the ASS

Dear Cousin Gobo

Last week I went snowboarding for the first time in a long time. I drove out of the desert and headed North to Utah. It wasn't far, about three hours, or two and a half hours at Travelin' speed. It was as wonderful as I remember it. The snow was light....fluffy....and there was plenty of it. There were a few problems, though. Since I haven't hit the mountain for quite some time, I had a little trouble keeping my balance on occasions. Plus I was wearing a new hydration pack also changing my center of gravity. So naturally I fell a few times, but only when I wanted to do something really cool. Like jumping over a log or a small child skiing. I few times I wreaked damn hard causing snow to get down my boardpants. This made my ass to get really cold.

This photo is a re-enactment of the snow in the ass. My friend suggested that maybe I should try to sell snowcones.

Brand New Miles

Dear Cousin Gobo,

It's time for a change. A time for a re-imagination.

For about a year or so I've tried to write you letters about everyday common events that I spun into interesting yet choatic yarns. I would describe things out in great detail as if I had never experience such a thing. That didn't work out so well. The problem was I just couldn't keep up with it. I tried writing from a view of an outside observer, when the events I wrote about were things that I experienced. So from this moment forward, all posts are going to come straight from my point of view. This will make for a much more interesting and frequently posted blog. Welcome to the new Travlein' Miles.

Of course I will keep some of the old references that we both enjoy. And as a homage to the old Miles, I will keep the older postings. That way you can re-visit any as you wish.

In the Chinese New Year, it's suppose to be the Year of the Boar. There will be nothing boring about this year